Figured it was time I got back to my blogs. They've just been sitting idle, taking up cyberspace, so let's see if I can get them active again!
My mind today has been steered toward depression. Many of you know I suffer from clinical depression, aka major depressive disorder. Sadly, the stigma attached to clinical depression is still prevalent today. I'll address that later.
First, I'd like to offer my opinion of clinical depression. I have suffered from this affliction since childhood, though I had no clue that I "suffered" from any such thing until my 40's. I had all the symptoms but assumed they were just normal. HA! For me, clinical depression is not a sign that I am "crazy", although those closest to me may disagree *chuckle*.
I see it the same as an autoimmune disease. It's a lifetime illness, controlled by medicine and perhaps therapy, and an understanding support system. While clinical depression is a symptom of bipolar depression, the two are distinctively different and treated differently.
I'm quite sure that clinical depression is hereditary. My dad and many in his family suffered with it. Then, external factors tend to multiply the intensity (also more on that at a later date). Of course, the years of "in the closet" treatment and the taboo that adheres to open conversation about depression, my disease went undiagnosed. I didn't know what it was I was going through or dealing with and those around me didn't either! I was just "moody", going through "that time of the month", angry, etc. I accepted that that was "all" it was. Only when I happened to mention my symptoms to my ob/gyn and my brother-in-law was I diagnosed. I was put on a fairly mild anti-depressant that made all the difference in the world. I FINALLY felt like I was on a fairly even keel. It has not prevented depressive episodes, but oh my goodness, it has made life so much more tolerable and mostly good!
Clinical depression is not something one just "gets over". I can't tell you how angry I get when I hear others speak about depression as if it were nothing more serious than a hang nail. Everyone will experience depression from time to time. Life does that to us. However, those with clinical or bipolar depression don't have the luxury of just "getting over it". I also can't tell you how often it's been said to me, "Well, when I feel blue, I do such-and-such and I feel better". Oh for it to be that easy!! Occasional depressive episodes the normal soul suffers probably can be tossed aside like yesterday's salad. However, for a clinical depressive or bipolar sufferer, it just can't be done so simply. My episodes have just had to be ridden out. Some episodes last a day or two; some a week or two; had one last year that lasted MONTHS and was quite debilitating. In the extreme episodes, such as last year's, I become paralyzed. Life holds no joy, no meaning, no purpose. Thankfully, I have had only a couple such episodes. Sometimes there are triggers; most times there are none -- I just fall off the cliff. By the grace of God and with my medication, I manage to climb back up and eventually get back to my version of normal.
Symptoms of clinical depression are:
**Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
**Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
*Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
*Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
*Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
**Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
**Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
*Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
***Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame (this is a biggie for me)
*Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things.
*Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
***Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
Symptoms are usually severe enough to cause noticeable problems in relationships with others or in day-to-day activities, such as work, school or social activities. Clinical depression can affect people of any age, including children. However, clinical depression symptoms, even if severe, usually improve with psychological counseling, antidepressant medications or a combination of the two.
Those symptoms with the single asterisk I have experienced. The double asterisks and triple asterisks are the hardest symptoms for me to deal with. And, only last year did I have the "thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts". I struggled to get out of bed and function. The black cloud in which I was engulfed threatened to take me. I fought to get through the days and nights. I pray(ed) to God that I NEVER go through that darkness again. It was a terrifying place to be.
And yes, there is physical pain involved with depression. I deal with mine the best I can, with as little medicine as possible.
I don't know if I can ever come off my anti-depressants. I do not like therapy -- the bad experience I had with that one therapist turned me off therapy. I'm not that comfortable opening up completely and know that I can't "be helped" if I'm not 100% honest and open. Due to extenuating circumstances, trust is a huge issue for me. I've learned to just ride the episodes out when they occur and talk to anyone who will listen. *grin* Thankfully, we are here in September and I've not had but one very short episode since last year's debilitation. And all of my thanksgiving goes to God. It took trying to fight my way through last year's on my own for God to get my attention, drive me to my knees and cry out to HIM for help. From that time on, each day got easier; the veil began to lift and I could see light again.
In the past month or so, I discovered painting again and found the joy that I had been missing for so long. It is a unique creativity, not to every one's liking or taste and I won't get rich, but I absolutely adore it. I have to rein in my enthusiasm, however, in order to still be a responsible adult.
I think I will continue with a series on depression. I hope to shed light on the fact that while it is a mental disorder, it is NOT a "mental" disorder. Does that make sense? The taboo must be destroyed. We have to de-stigmatize those with clinical depression.
So, until next time . . .
Sources: Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/clinical-depression/faq-20057770
PsychCentral http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/clinical-depression/faq-20057770
My mind today has been steered toward depression. Many of you know I suffer from clinical depression, aka major depressive disorder. Sadly, the stigma attached to clinical depression is still prevalent today. I'll address that later.
First, I'd like to offer my opinion of clinical depression. I have suffered from this affliction since childhood, though I had no clue that I "suffered" from any such thing until my 40's. I had all the symptoms but assumed they were just normal. HA! For me, clinical depression is not a sign that I am "crazy", although those closest to me may disagree *chuckle*.
I see it the same as an autoimmune disease. It's a lifetime illness, controlled by medicine and perhaps therapy, and an understanding support system. While clinical depression is a symptom of bipolar depression, the two are distinctively different and treated differently.
I'm quite sure that clinical depression is hereditary. My dad and many in his family suffered with it. Then, external factors tend to multiply the intensity (also more on that at a later date). Of course, the years of "in the closet" treatment and the taboo that adheres to open conversation about depression, my disease went undiagnosed. I didn't know what it was I was going through or dealing with and those around me didn't either! I was just "moody", going through "that time of the month", angry, etc. I accepted that that was "all" it was. Only when I happened to mention my symptoms to my ob/gyn and my brother-in-law was I diagnosed. I was put on a fairly mild anti-depressant that made all the difference in the world. I FINALLY felt like I was on a fairly even keel. It has not prevented depressive episodes, but oh my goodness, it has made life so much more tolerable and mostly good!
Clinical depression is not something one just "gets over". I can't tell you how angry I get when I hear others speak about depression as if it were nothing more serious than a hang nail. Everyone will experience depression from time to time. Life does that to us. However, those with clinical or bipolar depression don't have the luxury of just "getting over it". I also can't tell you how often it's been said to me, "Well, when I feel blue, I do such-and-such and I feel better". Oh for it to be that easy!! Occasional depressive episodes the normal soul suffers probably can be tossed aside like yesterday's salad. However, for a clinical depressive or bipolar sufferer, it just can't be done so simply. My episodes have just had to be ridden out. Some episodes last a day or two; some a week or two; had one last year that lasted MONTHS and was quite debilitating. In the extreme episodes, such as last year's, I become paralyzed. Life holds no joy, no meaning, no purpose. Thankfully, I have had only a couple such episodes. Sometimes there are triggers; most times there are none -- I just fall off the cliff. By the grace of God and with my medication, I manage to climb back up and eventually get back to my version of normal.
Symptoms of clinical depression are:
**Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
**Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
*Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
*Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
*Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
**Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
**Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
*Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
***Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame (this is a biggie for me)
*Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things.
*Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
***Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
Symptoms are usually severe enough to cause noticeable problems in relationships with others or in day-to-day activities, such as work, school or social activities. Clinical depression can affect people of any age, including children. However, clinical depression symptoms, even if severe, usually improve with psychological counseling, antidepressant medications or a combination of the two.
Those symptoms with the single asterisk I have experienced. The double asterisks and triple asterisks are the hardest symptoms for me to deal with. And, only last year did I have the "thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts". I struggled to get out of bed and function. The black cloud in which I was engulfed threatened to take me. I fought to get through the days and nights. I pray(ed) to God that I NEVER go through that darkness again. It was a terrifying place to be.
And yes, there is physical pain involved with depression. I deal with mine the best I can, with as little medicine as possible.
I don't know if I can ever come off my anti-depressants. I do not like therapy -- the bad experience I had with that one therapist turned me off therapy. I'm not that comfortable opening up completely and know that I can't "be helped" if I'm not 100% honest and open. Due to extenuating circumstances, trust is a huge issue for me. I've learned to just ride the episodes out when they occur and talk to anyone who will listen. *grin* Thankfully, we are here in September and I've not had but one very short episode since last year's debilitation. And all of my thanksgiving goes to God. It took trying to fight my way through last year's on my own for God to get my attention, drive me to my knees and cry out to HIM for help. From that time on, each day got easier; the veil began to lift and I could see light again.
In the past month or so, I discovered painting again and found the joy that I had been missing for so long. It is a unique creativity, not to every one's liking or taste and I won't get rich, but I absolutely adore it. I have to rein in my enthusiasm, however, in order to still be a responsible adult.
I think I will continue with a series on depression. I hope to shed light on the fact that while it is a mental disorder, it is NOT a "mental" disorder. Does that make sense? The taboo must be destroyed. We have to de-stigmatize those with clinical depression.
So, until next time . . .
Sources: Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/clinical-depression/faq-20057770
PsychCentral http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/clinical-depression/faq-20057770
Comments
Post a Comment